I've got some online dating stories from a friend of a friend- I'll post everything they sent me over below and we can pick through and see what we can use and what we don't want!
Hey. These are some online experiences from myself & some buddies.
Ok my English is disgraceful & I'm too lazy to do anything about it today. So apologise for that & if you have questions etc just ask.
Ok this first one is about a friend & given how distraught she is & that it's still on going, I felt it would be inappropriate for me to include real examples such as screen shots & for that reason it might end up not being of much use.
1) The virtual head fuck.
My friend has been speaking to a guy for over 5 months via what's app (initially connected on the site plenty of fish)
She has never actually met this person IRL, yet she is completely obsessed with him & it's having a negative impact on her mental state.
She sends me screens shots all the time & it drives me mad.
He plays manipulative games, arranges to see her/ makes plans with her & never actually follows them through, plays on her jealousy- telling her he's flirting with other women after building up trust with her- even sending her pictures of other women, tells her he loves her & then dumps her. Randomly lies about anything I.E that had got a new car & was going to see her, he sent a picture of the car & it transpired to be stock images from an garage in some remote Irish place (guy lives in Bury). Sending her messages about how he can do so much better. At first I thought it was harmless - however it's become difficult to see an intelligent young woman allowing herself to be treated like this. It's a sort addiction, self induced torture situation & when you try to be the good friend & explain this isn't healthy & she should block him, she just doesn't speak to you/ mention it for a few days.
This is a quote of the last messages that I talked through with her, turns out they are all lovely again & my approach has now been to completely ignore any mention of him & totally change the subject.
"I'm more upset with why he didn't want to be with me. Why not just end it? No need for such a low blow after I did fuck all wrong
He also said he'd never felt so hot and cold with someone. erm you're the hot and cold one fella, it's like he was looking for an excuse to kick off tbh. Not gonna lie, it was a massive kick in the teeth. Roll on Saturday and the rest of my life!
He said I was childish too and I deserve shit to keep happening to me because I don't do anything to stop it!"
WTF, RIGHT.
2) The passive aggressive bore.
Following a breakup a friend advised me to join tinder, I mean I hadn't been single in so long & felt like I needed a manual. This app was described as fun & easy. I like meeting new people etc, but wasn't entirely sure if I was ready to jump into another serious situation & on that note I made a really simple/ lighthearted profile "high priestess at the temple of excess, ginger & loving it" followed up with pictures of me not really taking anything seriously, Barbie doing a line, glasses of wine in hand etc.
At first I was matching with super hot guys, fab ego boost, but for the most part They all want instant hook ups & I just thought- "I can't be naked in front of this guy, he looks like he's been photoshopped for fuck sake & I'm no real Barbie, when I take my clothes off shit wobbles"
I decided to start matching with guys that from these tiny bios, I deemed interesting. So this guy wants to meet for a drink, I stood him up twice & the third time I turned up pretty intoxicated. He didn't seem to mind though, was taller than I expected & had a quirky dress sense. So I figured I'd date him again.
It's Christmas season, I'm still pretty raw about my breakup, my manager is leaving the bar & my day job had broken up = party time. I'd been at this particular party for 3 days & I text this guy to reschedule our lunch date because I was a mess. He really wanted to see me because he was going home over the holidays- ok fine, but you've been warned & even at my worst, I'm still way hotter than you! Anyway he completely starts to lecture me (a woman he doesn't know, yet wants to sleep with) about how I need to change & stop partying because he doesn't like it, but he likes me & really wants to keep seeing me. SAY WHAT. I hardly know you & haven't decided if I like you & if my bio is anything to go off, what we can be sure of is that I do like... A good party.
I decided that it was game over, he was very condescending & judgemental. Fate intervened & I became really ill, I told everyone & obviously I wouldn't be socialising for a while. Then he started sending me passive aggressive messages because I never answered his calls! I had pneumonia & couldn't actually speak, to which he replied that he knew this but expected me to answer so he could wish me well, he also started commenting on pictures that "for someone that has been ill for a month, you look good", messages about how I should show him more respect & implying that I was not only exaggerating my illness, but it was probably a well deserved lesson & that hanging out with him would somehow save me from myself. I found myself frantically writing a bitchy response & quickly realised that I didn't owe this person anything & simply replied "you have no chill" he still text me occasionally, but he's stopped asking me out.
3) Cock- blocked by ISIS.
As a woman that goes out by myself, I get really irritated when guys approach me with the following lines "a beautiful young lady shouldn't drink alone" (is it more acceptable for unattractive young ladies?) "you're too beautiful to wear all that makeup, you don't need it men will like you for who you are, because you're beautiful" (You that has known me for the whole of five minutes have no idea what I'm like as a person, also I'll wear what I want now fuck off) "beautiful young ladies shouldn't swear" (where the fuck has lady come from, I never once said I was a lady, I'm a fucking woman)
So when I matched this tall & classically handsome young man with a bio that said he wasn't in to the whole lad culture & he was a man, not a boy. I thought, perfect.
We said hi & it would take him ages to reply & I thought it was an accidental match. After a few weeks of radio silence he told me he was rubbish at the tinder thing & I decided to simply leave my number with him. So he text me which was exciting because he was so hot! Anyway he's a marine & works in London & I was in Hamburg, but he asked if I wanted to go for drinks when we were both back. Obviously I said yes. That evening was the night the Paris attacks & everyone went off to war.
From the 70 something people I'd spoken to this one stuck with me, but such is life. Fast forward to march & he's back & we start speaking, only we don't seem to be able to get past boring DIY exchanges. It's totally fizzled out & as selfish as it is, I've never hated Isis as much as I do when I think about this one guy.
4) The inbetweeners date.
I matched a guy that worked with a friend, so it felt good to have an opportunity to get a little more insight before essentially agreeing to what is more or less a blind date. Everything seemed cool, we dated a few times & started speaking everyday, he'd call me, send me funny things... After a couple of months I felt really comfortable & we exchanged some NSFW messages & were planning to take things to the next step. I was quite nervous, I'd been intimate with the same guy for 3 years- did I even know how to do sex anymore. He was so confident & assuring, so what could go wrong?
He invited my round to his place for a quiet night & a drink, I'd been away & brought back some beautiful high end vodka & I decided to take it along. He tells me that he doesn't have a mixer for it, I told him it was so smooth you could happily sip it with ice. To which he storms off into the kitchen & immediately starts bitching about me to his housemate about how I can't drink it straight. I called him out on it & he returns with my glorious drink, now ruined with Fanta! "I'm not 16 Andy, I don't drink fizzy pop & I certainly don't need to be told how to take my liquor", at this point I just fixed myself a drink. Anyway fast forward to the end of a killer boring night of him being arrogant, he made me watch xfactor & it's bedtime.
His housemate & boyfriend could be heard having sex - fine, we are all grown ups here. I stand corrected, because while I am trying to carry on with our chat, Andy is now banging on the wall & hooting. He's my age. I think normally, I would have just left, I'm pretty tipsy by this time & was also feeling the space cake that I'd snook off to eat in the bathroom earlier. So I was pretty eager to see this through, besides he's possibly nervous, excited & tipsy himself, right? I subtly imply that perhaps he should focus on us, he gets up & turns the light out. WHAT??? & I ask him why he's doing this- "it's bedtime" Hello hot naked woman in your bed, thought we were having sex? "Yeah" then turn the light on. "Who has sex with the lights on?" (Serious question from a 29 yr old man) normal people. He refuses to turn the light on & I figure, nerves etc & against my better judgement decide to let it go. IT WAS AWFUL. He actually kept Tshirt on! If you've watched the inbetweeners scene when Will attempts sex for the first time, you are already equipped with the details. I was actually about to tell him to get off me but fortunately it was over. In the morning he accused me of getting up early to steal from him (jokingly, but WTF). In retrospect I told myself it was only shocking because I'm new to meeting people this way & he was possibly too nervous to open up about how inexperienced he was & with that in mind I decided that I would give him another chance, but only if he made an obvious effort. He didn't contact me for close to one month later, with some cocky bullshit about hooking up later. I replied that it was Saturday night & I had work & he said that I could meet him at 2am when I was finished. Ha ha ha for reals who does this guy think he is. I'd let enough go & sent a very assertive text about not being treated like that. He still ask me out every few weeks, despite me constantly blowing it off.
5) You win some, you loose some.
That one time I was sending my girlfriend Jordan a NSFW selfie of my new pin bra & sent it to guy of the same name that had only just asked me out. Horrified, I blocked him.
Or that time I got ordained as a dude & didn't clarify what this meant before telling them the news, pretty sure using a gif with the caption "she's a dude" didn't help & I was swiftly unmatched. - he wasn't that cute anyway.
6) The troll game.
I matched with one guy & he immediately asked me what my favourite drug was & it seemed that every time he spoke to me, I was at some event or session.
He started texting me at silly times asking to meet & I get it, I've always thrown out such a jazzy line, no surprise people assume that you are up for anything & everything. I guess that is true, but only on my terms i.e. One of my rules is that I'm busy after 21:30, as it helps weed out the fuck boys & booty calls (not saying that I've always turned these down, but circumstance & all that)
I explained that if he wanted to hangout, he'd do well to call me earlier. He didn't & I quickly became bored of him, I was still curious though, because we did seem to get on well & his pictures didn't give much away. So on St Patricks day when I was at a party that was dying down, I invited him round, we had ran out of Molly & my friend ground up some random prescription pills for him & then proceeded to try & convince the poor lad that he was gay & only fancied me because I look like a man. I wasn't really paying attention to what Ben was saying to this guy because he was short & not that funny IRL, but the look of horror on his face was enough. Since then I've only heard from him once via tinder "WTF". No more booty calls for me then, shame that.
haha, omg!
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